Sunday, September 18
Hi There,
I feel like bitching....
Been feeling quite lost lately. I am not sure why as well. I don't seem to be having the mood to do anything. Feels more like I just want to be preoccupied but, the bottom line is, I don't know what to occupy myself with. I guess the more obvious one would be studies and visiting the library.
Quite troublesome and irritating when you come to a point where you're just totally lost. Its not as if I'm bothered about somthing, or feeling upset, well, come to think of it, feeling upset would be a norm to me, because I'm denigrated to be a "very sensitive" person. Sometimes I really wonder if I was that sensitive. Maybe I should not give a damn about what's happening? Maybe I should just satisfy my needs selfishly? Maybe, just maybe....
Another thing is have you guys ever looked forward to something so much and practically kept thinking about it over and over again and nothing else seems to be of existence to you? And that thing never happened or took place? Freakingly shocking and quite upsetting ain't it???
I had a few occasions like that happening to me for the past few months. I wonder perhaps if its my high expectations or whether if I deserve to even have it. Somethings in life, one just can't expect much I guess. But, one thing's for sure, I've been learning very painful valuable lessons. Life isn't just being sweet and expecting sweetness in return. The world's a selfish warground and everyone's just saving their own asses and not bothering to save another's. The joke is, "Which imbecile came up with World Peace?" It should be "World Be Selfish"!
I've learnt, that to live in this world, I've got to be extremely diplomatic about almost everything and just be blunt. Contradicting? Well, thats the way I've seen it happen. People putting up false fronts in the fronts of their conversationists and showing their true colours behind their backs. Living in this world isn't easy especially when you know for yourself you've got an "outstanding" character. Its not easy to get people trusting you when you've done mistakes in your life, but the famous phrase of "everyone deserves a second chance" doesn't exist one bit and that I cant vouch for sure. I've learned that the very hard way. If you want to adapt to that phrase, well, I've learnt to use it on myself only.
"Things change. People change." I used to take this as my guide, but somehow, as time flies, I'm begining to loathe it pretty bad and think I rather be a bitch to myself than being my bestfriend and lead life with an attitude. I was born alone and will die alone anyway!
Cheers,
Tunitha
|9:20:00 pm|
~*@GoSSiP_CoLuMN@*~